Being asked to deliver a eulogy is a genuine honour, but it almost always comes when you’re already grieving and completely overwhelmed. It feels like one of those critical life skills no one ever actually teaches you, leaving you to try and figure it out on your own. That’s exactly why this guide is part of our Life Skills No One Teaches You series. We’re here to cut through the noise and give you a direct, grounded approach so you know exactly how to write a eulogy that feels right.
This guide is focused on the outcome for you: to feel confident, prepared, and capable of delivering a tribute that truly honours the person you’ve lost, without adding to your stress.
Your Guide on How to Write a Eulogy When Words Fail

Let’s reframe this. This isn’t a burden; it’s a final act of love. You don’t need to be a professional writer or a seasoned public speaker to get this right. You just need to be you. Sincerity is what matters here. Your presence and your words are a gift to everyone in the room.
The whole process of knowing how to write a eulogy really just boils down to four things: gathering some meaningful stories, putting them into a simple structure, writing from the heart, and having a quick practice run. This guide will walk you through it, making sure what you create feels authentic and truly honours the person you’re remembering. This structured method is designed to benefit you by reducing the overwhelm and giving you a clear path forward.
Why This Task Matters More Than You Think
Writing a eulogy goes way beyond just giving a speech. It’s a chance for you to process your own feelings and help everyone else in the room begin to heal. A heartfelt tribute can:
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Offer comfort: Sharing positive, personal stories reminds grieving family and friends of the joy that person brought into the world.
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Celebrate a life: The main job of a eulogy is to celebrate who the person really was: their unique personality, their passions, their character.
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Create connection: Your stories build a bridge between everyone there, creating a shared moment of remembrance and honour.
You don’t need to be a professional writer to deliver a powerful tribute. The most memorable eulogies are built on sincerity and specific, personal stories, not on complex language or grand statements.
A Structured Approach to Reduce Overwhelm
The key to getting this done without feeling completely crushed is to break it down. Staring at a blank page is intimidating for anyone, so we’re not going to start there. Instead, we’ll begin by gathering the raw materials: the memories, anecdotes, and little quirks that made your loved one who they were. This step-by-step process ensures you know how to write a eulogy without the usual stress.
It’s completely normal to feel daunted by the idea of speaking at a funeral. Thankfully, there are resources out there with solid advice on how to write a eulogy that can help you create something that truly honours the person you’ve lost. Think of this guide as your roadmap to finding the right words and the confidence to share them.
Sometimes, the emotional weight of it all just makes it hard to think clearly. If you’re feeling stuck, remember you don’t have to do it alone. At Your Bro, we offer coaching that can act as a sounding board, helping you navigate these tough moments. It’s not therapy; it’s about providing support for clarity and helping you manage your emotions to get through hard times. A free discovery call can show you how a bit of grounded guidance can make all the difference.
Gathering Memories Without the Overwhelm

Before you even think about writing a single word, you need the raw materials. This is where you dig for the stories, quirks, and moments that made them who they were. The goal is to collect these memories without feeling like you’re being crushed by the weight of it all. This process will directly benefit you by making the writing stage much simpler.
Don’t try to recall their entire life story at once; you’ll just stare at a blank page. Start small. The best eulogies are built on specific, personal details, not vague praise. A good story about their terrible but enthusiastic singing is far more memorable than just saying “they loved music”.
This part of the process isn’t just about writing a speech; it’s a powerful way to reflect on a life well-lived. The process of learning how to write a eulogy often brings incredible clarity to our own values and what truly matters.
Asking the Right Questions
Generic prompts rarely help when you’re grieving. Your mind is foggy, and being told to “think of a good memory” can feel impossible. Instead, use specific questions to get your own mind and the minds of others working.
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What’s a small, everyday habit they had that was so them? (Like how they always folded the newspaper a certain way).
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What’s a piece of advice they gave you that actually stuck with you?
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What was their go-to story to tell at family gatherings?
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What’s something you disagreed on that you can now smile about?
Make sure you talk to other family members and friends. Their perspectives will add colour and depth you might have missed. Everyone has a different relationship with the person, and hearing their stories gives you a much fuller picture to draw from.
Organise Your Thoughts Simply
Right, you’ve got some ideas floating around. You need to get them down before they disappear. Forget about perfection for now; just get the thoughts out of your head and onto a page. This will benefit you later by providing a rich resource to pull from.
A simple mind map or even the notes app on your phone is all you need. Create a few categories and start dropping your memories into them. This breaks the intimidating task of learning how to write a eulogy into smaller, more manageable pieces.
Simple Categories for Your Notes:
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Funny Stories: The time they tried to bake a cake and used salt instead of sugar.
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Life Lessons: That conversation where they taught you something about resilience or kindness.
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Defining Traits: Their unwavering honesty, their infectious laugh, their quiet generosity.
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Their Impact: How they mentored a junior colleague or supported a mate through a tough time.
This approach lines up with how funerals in Australia have been changing. Research shows 61% of Aussies now see funerals as celebrations of life, not just solemn events. These services often swap out traditional liturgies for personal stories, making the memories you gather even more crucial.
The goal here is collection, not creation. You’re just gathering the building blocks. There’s no pressure to write beautiful sentences or connect the dots just yet. Just collect the moments that matter.
This process of looking back can be powerful in its own right. Journaling your memories can be a therapeutic way to organise your thoughts and process your feelings. You might find some value in our guide on self improvement journaling.
If you’re finding it tough to sort through the emotions that come with this, a free discovery call with Your Bro can offer a grounded space to find some clarity. We’re here to offer support, not therapy, helping you get through these hard moments one step at a time. To honour their legacy beyond the speech, you might also want to explore some Creative Ideas for Remembering Deceased Loved Ones.
Structuring Your Eulogy For A Powerful Message

This is often the hardest part. Staring at a blank page with a head full of memories and a heavy heart can feel paralysing. But the good news is, you don’t need to reinvent the wheel here. A simple, time-tested structure will give your stories shape and help you transform your jumbled notes into a powerful tribute. Having a clear structure is the key to how to write a eulogy effectively.
Think of it like building a house: you need a foundation, the main structure, and a roof. For a eulogy, this translates to a clear Opening, a meaningful Body, and a heartfelt Closing. This framework isn’t about being rigid; it’s about taking the pressure off so you can focus on the message itself. This structured approach will benefit you by making the writing process feel logical and achievable.
To make this even clearer, here’s a simple blueprint you can follow. It breaks down the classic three-part structure into its core purpose and what you should aim to include in each section.
Eulogy Structure Blueprint
| Section | Purpose | What to Include |
|---|---|---|
| Opening | To introduce yourself and set the tone. | Your name, your relationship to the person, and a single, central theme or quality you’ll be speaking about. |
| Body | To bring the person to life through stories. | 2-3 short anecdotes that illustrate the theme you introduced. Show, don’t just tell. |
| Closing | To provide a loving and final farewell. | A brief summary of your main theme and a direct, personal message to the person you’re honouring. |
This table is your road map. It’s designed to guide your thoughts and give you a solid foundation to build upon, preventing that overwhelming “where do I even start?” feeling.
The Opening: Your First Words
Your opening should be brief, clear, and set the right tone. It only needs to do two things: state who you are and introduce the core idea of your tribute. Nothing more, nothing less.
First, introduce yourself and your relationship to the person. Something simple like, “For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Alex, and I was Sarah’s younger brother,” is perfect. It immediately grounds the audience and gives context to your words.
Next, share a single, defining quality you’ll focus on. For instance, “If I had to describe my dad in one word, it would be ‘steadfast’.” This gives your eulogy a central theme and a clear direction right from the get-go.
The Body: Sharing The Stories
The body is the absolute heart of your eulogy. This is where you bring the person to life through the stories and memories you’ve gathered. The key here is to avoid a boring chronological summary of their life. Seriously, no one needs a spoken résumé.
Instead, aim to share two or three distinct anecdotes that showcase their character. These stories are the proof behind the quality you mentioned in your opening.
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A story of kindness: You could share a time they went out of their way for a stranger, showing their generosity in action.
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A story of humour: Maybe you recall a moment their unique sense of humour turned a bad day around for everyone.
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A story of resilience: A story about how they navigated a tough time can speak volumes about their quiet strength.
This thematic approach is far more impactful than just listing dates and achievements. It shows people who they were, rather than just telling them. This is how you create a eulogy that connects.
A great eulogy doesn’t just list facts about a life. It paints a picture. Choose stories that show, don’t just tell, the audience about their unique spirit.
Navigating this emotional complexity while trying to be clear and structured is tough. It demands a level of focus that can feel almost impossible when you’re grieving. If you’re struggling to organise your thoughts, a chat can help you find clarity during this and other challenging life moments.
The Closing: A Heartfelt Farewell
Your closing should bring your eulogy to a gentle, definite end. It’s your chance to tie everything together and offer a final, loving goodbye.
Start by briefly revisiting the central theme. Circle back to that one defining quality you opened with. For example, “So yes, Dad was steadfast. He was the rock we all leaned on, and his quiet strength is a legacy that will stay with us forever.”
Then, speak directly to the person you’re honouring. This is your chance for a final, personal message. It can be as simple as, “We’ll miss you more than words can say. Goodbye, mate.”
This structure isn’t a rigid set of rules, but a supportive guide. Its purpose is to take the guesswork out of the process, allowing you to pour your energy into what really matters: honouring someone you loved with honesty and heart. The values they lived by can be a powerful source of inspiration, and you might find it helpful to reflect on our list of personal values examples as you consider their legacy.
Writing a Draft That Sounds and Feels Authentic

Alright, you’ve got your memories jotted down and a rough structure in mind. Now it’s time to actually put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard). This is where your notes transform into a tribute that truly sounds and feels like it’s coming from you. This is the core of how to write a eulogy.
The biggest trap people fall into is trying to sound like a professional speechwriter or some kind of poet. Forget that. Right now, the goal is to just be you. Your authenticity is your greatest asset.
Imagine you’re telling these stories to a good mate over a quiet beer. That’s the tone you’re after. Simple, honest language is what will connect with everyone in the room, not a bunch of fancy words you’d never normally use.
Write Like You Talk
Seriously, the key to a genuine eulogy is to write in your own voice. If you wouldn’t say “his effervescent spirit illuminated every room he entered,” then don’t write it. Something like, “He just had this way of making everyone feel good” is a thousand times more powerful because it’s real.
To get into this headspace, just remember a few things that will benefit you during delivery:
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Use short sentences. They’re easier to read and much easier to deliver, especially when your emotions are running high.
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Keep your words simple. Clear, direct language hits harder than a complicated vocabulary ever will. Honesty is what resonates.
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Write for the ear, not the eye. This is a speech. It needs to sound natural when it’s spoken aloud.
Here’s a great trick: read your draft out loud as you go. Your ear will instantly pick up on any clunky phrases or sentences that feel stiff. If you stumble over a line, rewrite it until it flows smoothly off the tongue.
Find Your Central Theme
Your eulogy will have a much bigger impact if it’s built around one or two central ideas about the person. Instead of just listing random stories, try to connect them to a core quality. Was it their unwavering loyalty? Their ridiculous sense of humour? Their quiet, dependable strength?
A theme acts like an anchor. It gives your stories a purpose and the whole tribute a clear focus. This is a fundamental part of learning how to write a eulogy that people will remember. Every story you share should, in some way, point back to that central idea.
What to Avoid When Writing
Just as important as what you put in is what you leave out. A few common mistakes can weaken an otherwise beautiful tribute and accidentally make people feel left out.
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Inside Jokes: A shared memory is great, but a joke that only two people in the room will get can make everyone else feel isolated. If you’re going for humour, make sure it’s something everyone can connect with.
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Brutal Honesty: This isn’t the time to air old grievances or settle scores. A eulogy is about celebrating a life. Focus on the positive aspects of their character and your relationship with them.
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Making It All About You: It’s okay to share your own feelings of loss, but the spotlight has to stay on the person you’re honouring. Frame your grief in the context of their absence, “I’ll really miss his advice,” rather than just dwelling on your own pain.
Think of your tribute as a gift to everyone there. It should offer a clear, loving, and honest picture of the person, letting the audience share in the remembrance and the celebration.
This shift towards authenticity is happening all over. Recent Australian funeral trends show that 83% of us now prefer services that are celebratory and personal, rather than strictly traditional and mournful. Your real, heartfelt words are exactly what people want to hear. You can explore the full report on changing attitudes in Australia for more on this.
Polish It Up With Fresh Eyes
Once you’ve got a first draft down, walk away. Give it a few hours, or even a full day if you can. Coming back with fresh eyes is the best way to spot where things can be improved.
Read it aloud again, slowly. Does it flow? Does it sound like you? Is the core message clear?
This is also the perfect time to check the length. A good eulogy typically runs for about three to five minutes, which is roughly 500 to 800 words. Don’t get hung up on the exact word count, but use it as a guide to make sure you’re not going on for too long or finishing too quickly.
If you’re struggling to get the words right or feel completely overwhelmed, that’s perfectly normal. Sometimes you just need a sounding board. A Your Bro coaching session can offer that grounded support, helping you find clarity when you need it most. It’s not therapy; it’s like having a brother in your corner helping you through tough moments. Book a free discovery call to see how it works.
And if this experience makes you want to get more comfortable with public speaking in general, organisations like Toastmasters Australia offer fantastic, friendly support and practical training.
Preparing to Deliver Your Tribute with Confidence
You’ve got the words on the page. In many ways, the hardest part is behind you. But writing the eulogy is only half the battle. Now, you’ve got to stand up and say it out loud, and that can feel just as tough, if not tougher. Following these steps will benefit you by building the confidence you need.
Don’t worry. A little bit of prep makes all the difference. This isn’t about becoming a world-class public speaker overnight. It’s about feeling grounded enough to honour the person you’re there for, even if your voice shakes a little. This preparation phase is a critical part of how to write a eulogy and deliver it well.
Practice Makes Present
Look, rehearsing your eulogy is non-negotiable. This isn’t about memorising it word-for-word. It’s about getting so familiar with the flow of it that the words feel natural coming out of your mouth. When the emotions hit, that familiarity will be your anchor.
Read it aloud. Then read it aloud again. You’ll quickly find any clunky phrases and get a feel for the natural rhythm of your sentences.
Time yourself, but read at a slow, deliberate pace. Most eulogies run between three and five minutes, and this is how you check if you’re in that sweet spot.
If you can, practise in front of a mirror or, even better, a mate you trust. Saying the words out loud to another person is a game-changer. They can give you some honest feedback on your pacing and whether your tone feels right.
The goal of practice isn’t perfection; it’s preparation. Knowing your stuff means you can look up from the page, make eye contact, and really connect with everyone in the room. You’re sharing this moment with them.
Prepare Your Physical Copy
I don’t care if you think you’ve got it memorised, always bring a physical copy with you. Grief and nerves have a nasty habit of wiping your mind blank at the worst possible moment.
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Print it out. Seriously, don’t rely on your phone. A screen going dark, a flat battery, or a notification popping up is the last thing you need.
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Use a large font. Bump it up to at least a 14 or 16-point font. It makes it a hell of a lot easier to read at a glance, especially if your hands are a bit shaky.
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Double-space the lines. This gives your eyes some breathing room and helps you keep your place without squinting.
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Number your pages. It’s a simple thing, but if you drop your notes, you’ll be glad you did.
Managing Your Emotions During Delivery
Let’s be straight about this: you’re going to get emotional. That’s not weakness, mate. It’s love. Everyone in that room gets it. The aim isn’t to bottle up your feelings, but to manage them well enough to get through your tribute.
Keep a glass of water nearby. If you feel a big wave of emotion building, taking a simple pause for a sip is an absolute lifesaver. It gives you a second to breathe and reset without looking flustered.
Don’t ever be afraid to pause. Your breath is the best tool you have for staying grounded. Before you even say the first word, take one deep, slow breath. If you feel your voice starting to crack mid-sentence, just stop. Pause. Take another breath. That silence will feel like an eternity to you, but to everyone else, it’s just a moment of respectful reflection.
Getting a handle on your emotions under pressure is a real skill. If you want to dig deeper, we cover this in our article about improving your emotional intelligence.
It is more than okay to show you’re feeling it. Trying to be a stoic robot often just makes things harder. If the tears come, let them. No one is expecting you to be made of stone.
Facing these moments is tough, and the lead-up can be brutal. If you’re struggling with the pressure and need a grounded perspective, Your Bro coaching can help. A free discovery call can show you how support can build the resilience you need for life’s heaviest moments. For ongoing grief support, reputable services like GriefLine and The Australian Centre for Grief and Bereavement offer professional guidance.
The Questions You’re Probably Asking
Even with a solid plan, a few practical questions are likely nagging at you. That’s completely normal. Most of us don’t find ourselves in this position often, so it’s only natural to feel a bit unsure. Let’s tackle some of the most common things people wonder about when they sit down to figure out how to write a eulogy.
How Long Should a Eulogy Be?
You’ll want to aim for something between three and five minutes. That might not sound like much, but when spoken at a comfortable, unhurried pace, it works out to be around 500 to 800 words.
The goal here isn’t to deliver a marathon speech. It’s about sharing a few potent memories and painting a clear, heartfelt picture of the person you’re honouring. The real impact comes from your sincerity, not the length. A great way to check is to time yourself reading it aloud.
Is It Okay to Use Humour in a Eulogy?
Absolutely, but with one important condition: it has to genuinely reflect the person you’re celebrating. If they were known for a killer sense of humour, a sharp wit, or a knack for finding the funny side of things, a lighthearted story can be a beautiful way to honour their spirit.
The trick is to keep the humour warm, gentle, and inclusive. Steer clear of inside jokes that only a couple of people in the room will get, as this can make others feel excluded. You’re aiming for a shared moment of fond remembrance, not a stand-up routine.
What if I Get Too Emotional to Finish?
This is easily one of the biggest and most understandable fears. First things first: showing emotion isn’t a failure. It’s a sign of how much you cared, and no one in that room is going to judge you for it.
To give yourself a safety net, here are a few practical things you can do:
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Bring a printed copy: Use a large, easy-to-read font so you’re not squinting through tears.
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Have a backup plan: Before the service, pull a trusted friend or family member aside. Ask if they’d be willing to step in and finish reading if you can’t. Give them a copy just in case.
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Embrace the pause: If you feel a wave of emotion coming on, just stop. Take a slow, deep breath. Have a sip of water. The room will wait for you, and they’ll give you all the space you need.
Everyone there is on your side. Your vulnerability is part of the tribute, and it’s a powerful thing.
Do I Need to Memorise the Whole Thing?
Definitely not. In fact, I’d advise against even trying. The pressure to memorise a speech perfectly just adds another layer of stress to an already heavy day. Grief and nerves can make even the sharpest memory go completely blank.
It’s far better to be deeply familiar with what you’ve written than to have it memorised word-for-word. Practice it enough that you can look up from the page and make eye contact with people, but rely on your notes to keep you on track. This lets you stay present and connect with everyone, without the fear of losing your place. This grounded approach is a massive part of delivering a eulogy well.
Navigating life’s toughest moments is never easy, and figuring out how to write a eulogy is one of the hardest things you’ll ever be asked to do. If you need a grounded sounding board to help you find clarity and strength, Your Bro is here. Book a free, no-obligation discovery call and see how coaching can support you.









































